I wish to peek a glance into my future. The clouded timeline that patiently waits ahead. I wonder what it has got in store for me. Does all my backbreaking struggle really pay off? I wonder if the “future me” thanks me enough for building stepping stones that seals his fate in gold. Or do I find him cursing me for not doing enough? Or the worst – Does he still struggle?
I wonder sometimes if any of my dreams make it. That in the long run I have found myself a good listener. Someone who speaks my language. I wish to have a look, just a glimpse into his world to see how am I really doing? Maybe chat with the future me, to tell him how I have felt crunched under a shit load of dreaming, worked for nightly exhausting hours I came to terms with. How I have worked my ass off every single day so that he could live in peace. So that he could enjoy a bright brimming rewarding walk in the park away from the menacing curdling of constant exhaustion.
I at least wish he gave me a sign or something saying,
“Hey! You could take a day off. Things are going to be just fine, you know. Just do nothing for a day! Muse away in your musings. Go sit by the beach. Travel for a while. Go look at nature. Stay slaked for a change.”
I could really use a reassurance of sorts that his world is simply mind-boggling, and that every stair I built, am still building was worth it. I wish that squiz, just one morsel of hope that makes me feel good about the quagmire I wake up into every single day.
This sweet death would then feel abated. I would relax more, rejoice more, take wild turns, and go places. All I need is just one vision, one vision is all I ask.